Surviving the Pain of Broken Relationship

Anonymous | Saturday, October 27, 2012 at 1:54:00 PM | Be the first to comment! |
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Many people say that falling in love is one of the happiest things you could experience in one person's lives. I'm thinking a second thought about it, but it so happened that I get there and I'm the one to say that I tend to believe it. It is one of those experiences that you want to have once in your life. It is one of those things that you can't buy.

In my opinion, encyclopedias, archives, or any information that you can find online can't give you a definite answer what love is or how love can be defined. That maybe because people who are into it can't find any words to express or describe what the feeling is all about. But one thing is for sure, it is an indescribable feeling.

I'm interested on every one’s love stories, from their happy beginnings to their happy endings or from happy beginnings to their bitter and untold endings. I am not a love adviser or counselor, but I am curious about on what people can say about these things.

Broken-hearted girl

To be honest, I am lost for words too on how to describe such wonderful feeling. But let's be aware that not all comes to a happy ending, right?

What if all these wonderful things gone wrong? Someone breaks your heart, for numerous reasons that you don't understand and reasons that are unacceptable to you. Do you know what you will do to ease up the pain? How can you cope up on bitterness and sadness that these situations will bring you? Well, the very first thing that might come to your mind is, "I don’t know."

To break your heart is one of the least things that you don't want to happen while you are in a relationship. But either one of person part of such relationship cannot control what's going to happen, therefore, getting ready about such circumstances like being emotionally matured can help. Of course, you don't want to involve yourself in a relationship that you don't know what to do when things doesn't go your way, right? So when someone breaks your heart for whatever reason, you have a last resort.

Most of us have fallen in love or been in a relationship, but some of us have been broken hearted. Some of us learned to mend their broken hearts, some of us still coping up, but unfortunately, some of us still cannot accept such pain a broken heart brings.

When you could already sense that something is wrong, you don't know what to do. But when the moment of truth comes, we tend to close our ears and our hearts to the possibility of getting hurt. Though we can’t control the situation, as it needs to be told, getting ready about this possibility is essential.

What will be the first thing you will do when you finally know that it's over? Depending on the situation, some find it easy to accept the fact.
"Hi, these are interesting questions in which I would love to share my two cents. The first thing that I usually do when I know that it is over is to accept. Accept that the relationship is not meant to last. Easier said than done, but I know that I have a choice to bask on the feeling of sadness and curse the entire world for what had happened, or I can just accept it and move on. The latter is the most wise thing to do." — ladyhemingway
"When I was young and new my first real love was over I freaked out. I understood why and that he felt guilty and yet I knew he loved me. So why couldn't we work it out? I was just sick about it. It took me a long time to realize I needed to let him go. I was so emotional I went out a lot and finally found someone else." — celticeagle
"In my case, it was really quite straightforward when I find my other half "uncomfortable" with me. The both of us just could not communicate deeply and most of all, honestly. I could sense that he is holding out on me and that there's really something going on behind my back." — artemeis
"But one thing that has always helped me when a relationship ends is… I look at it this way… I'm moving through life to learn and experience so each relationships is a learn lesson about myself and how I view the world and when it ends it means that it's time to go and learn a new lesson or that person wasn't really the one that was for me for a life time but just for the lesson i needed to learn so with this attitude it makes it easier to leave and be left…. It's only painful if you try to make something happen that wasn't really meant to happen… I would rather be alone than be in a relationship that is right for me… smilin…" — braided
But when you don’t realize that it's going to happen, we tend to crack and because the pain strikes like a laser the very first thing and natural reaction is to cry. Though crying can’t wash away the pain, it gives a huge relief.
"Well, at first, I just cried, all the fun and sweet memories are keep on flashing back… But eventually, when I started to focus on doing something else, I forgot all the pains… It's really hard at first, knowing that you gave your best but in the end, it wasn't really enough…" — krizzy
"Hi… Topic that I can relate right now… Because I am in the process of mending my heart. In your question about the aspect of moving on these are the things I've done: I sleep the whole day and sleep well at night, I just felt that I haven't done sleeping well and alone for a long period of time. And crying does helps a lot… It may not take away the pain but sometimes you feel relief after you cry…" — mauricel
"The first thing when I realized it is really over was I decided to let it all out for a whole day by crying. It helped me a lot, after a whole day of crying, I set up my mind that I will not cry even a single drop of tear… And it worked! The pain is still there but there was a great relief when I poured it out for a whole day :) I prayed that our Lord will help me moving on." — esor50
Trying to forget what is really happening, sometimes we try to focus ourselves in different things. One of which is getting busy.
"I listen to my playlist of songs, and sang with it, I feels like I spilling out all the pain, hatred, regrets, and all the negative feelings that I felt on that moment." — mauricel
"Hi. Usually when I am going through a time where the relationship just ended I try to find ways to keep myself busy and believe me, there is always a way. For example, I try to take a class, reconnect with people I am comfortable with, or do some projects that I had been meaning to do but haven't." — Cricket127
"I had my most painful break up many years ago. It seems like I saw my dreams shattered in front of me and I cannot do anything but to cry and accept it is over. That time, I made myself very busy. I tried hard not to think of him. I talk to people and I really kept avoiding him to be the topic of the conversation. I do socialize with my friends and do my hobbies and force myself to smile even it is very difficult." — annierose
"Contrary to the popular belief that moving on entails detaching yourself from anything that reminds you of the person, I expose myself to anything that reminded me of him. I go to the places we usually hang out, I do the things we usually do together, I remind myself of those happy days, until I get tired. Yes, I let myself cry albeit in a very discreet way so as not to bother other people when I am in public place. I do this because doing otherwise makes me feel that I am running way from the fact that the relationship never worked out. I choose to face fear eye to eye, until I get used to the pain, and then eventually, all these things wouldn’t have bearing to me anymore." — ladyhemingway
How about those who can't accept the circumstances?
"I will get angry if my girlfriend cheat on me… It's not fair because I'll do everything for her and one day I hear — It's over I don't love you anymore… Maybe it's better to be alone long time to forget what she did." — xh0z0rs
"I try to talk to him first and DO EVERYTHING just to make up but if I have done everything already, when I already gave my 100% and there's no remaining hope and I think it's already time to give up…" — butterscotch
"A heartbreak is something that I certainly would not wish on anyone. When my husband told me that there is another involvement besides me, I did not eat or sleep for 2 days. I didn't know what to do and how to go through life from thereon." — yahnee
"Oh, no lesson looks like each other so that it is really hard to say that I already have many lessons of love so that next time I may not get any mistake or broken love more. We just try don't get back the same situation in the past but we may got new situation and the love maybe broken also… Love is really hard…" — ryanong
Having somebody closer to you to talk about what happened or a friend to reach out is one of the best ways to handle this kind of situation. Knowing that there is someone who will listen to you, someone who can offer a shoulder to cry on, and someone who will give some words of wisdom eases up the pain you feel. Just someone to be there, to make you feel like you are not alone after all really helps.
"I think the first thing most people do is try to accept that fact themselves and then they start to spend time with their friends and family to ease the changes that are about to take place." — Dominique25
"I will cry for it in a week. I will cry and cry and cry everything. I will ask for help from friends to support me and care for me while I'm at my weakest." — butterscotch
"I sincerely don't know how the pain eased, but I knew it was gradually fading through the help of friends who were kept on telling me that I was better off without the husband." — yahnee
"The first thing I did was to reach out to a dear friend. What I said made him really help me. I said at least I'm not thinking of killing myself. How was the pain eased? I talked to that same friend. He told me not to listen to any sad love songs and he just showed me I did have worth." — sarahruthbeth22
"I have been there for a couple of times already. I believe that breaking up is normal course of life. During those days that I feel the anger and pain, I have those unexpected people around — my family and friends and the One above. They are the ones who comforted me. My brother and my best friend supported me, we go out and meet other people — literally, I exposed myself to the outside world. I believe that refocusing coupled with prayers led me to accept this life-altering event." — mikyung
Broken-hearted man
Pain does not easily go away, most especially when you are not ready for it or when we cannot accept it. It does not sink in right away as sometimes we are thinking about what has gone wrong. This is certainly difficult when a considered "perfect" relationship ended. Yes, even though a relationship that we can considered "perfect" sometimes breaks. The reason is way beyond for us to understand but the only way for us to understand it is let ourselves open to any possibilities that nothing lasts forever.

Moving on is the popular but an appropriate answer a friend close to you or an adviser can give when you experience such pain. It is the hardest part of mending a broken heart. It is considered hard to do because it’s not easy to forget what had happened. Pain can’t be erased overnight.

It's hard to get hurt. But as day goes by, we have to realize that it's not the end of the world. One way or the other, we have to do something to mend our broken hearts. Of course, it's not easy to do. In fact, it's the hardest to do. Most especially, when a relationship is too deep enough and the scars that is left in our hearts will take a time to heal.

As hard as accepting the truth when you first found out that one relationship is over, once that situation settled in, another process will be faced and that is how to move on. How did you go about it?

Most of us leave it to time. As we don’t want to pressure ourselves when will this pain be healed. The healing process really takes time until we opened our hearts in the possibility of falling in love again.
"Well for me, it's all about time… Time will come that you will be healed from all the heartaches and pain, and you will become stronger and think that life must go on… It doesn't stop from your last relationship and then you will realize that the next thing will be more exciting… :)" — krizzy
"It will definitely take time to get over a relationship that ends especially if you have been together for awhile. It is important to take small steps. Start doing things that you enjoy with your friends. Take up hobbies that you haven't had time to focus on." — Dominique25
"You may say that we, women just seems to have the better sixth sense with these and as such, rather than pushing further, I just start to withdraw one step at a time. In this way, it would be better for the other party to approach the subject of breaking up and for me to accept that there’s no point carrying on with this relationship." — artemeis
The happiness we get when we fall in love may not be long enough, when someone doesn't deserve to be loved or to have that kind of love. That's the time we experienced pain. But are we going to hold on with someone who can't offer us the real happiness? It really hurts. More often than not, it leaves a deep scar in our heart where some of us became afraid to give oneself a second chance.

Though it really hurts, this pain thought us the most important lesson in life and in love that we should know. Experience might be the best teacher and we don't ask to have this kind of experience, right? So, what is the most important lesson you've learned after you experienced such pain?

Well, if there's no other chance to fix the relationship, one would just respect what has been decided. It would be better to do so as one's happiness would suffer if unhealthy relationship continues.
"The one thing I take away from a previous relationship is that some things are just not meant to be and to find someone who values many, if not all, of the same things I do or at the very least respects them." — Cricket127
"The most important thing I learned is to respect the person. If you don't you never really loved them at all." — celticeagle
Acceptance and moving on are the most important lessons that one failed relationship can teach us. We don't want to see ourselves be imprisoned in hatred and bitterness. Such lessons will make us a strong and better person; this will be our reference once we have another chance to be in love.
Fixing a broken heart
"Lesson I've learned is that, we tend to hold into a relationship because we don't want to be sorry for the time we spend with our partner. If your relationship is no longer healthy and argument and fights become frequent we should have think carefully and don't prolong the relationship. You are just making the pain more deeper and you may end up losing yourself. Forgetting who you really are before…" — mauricel
"The most important lesson after those pain? I should not let the sorrow of losing that someone outweigh the joy of having had him. To be thankful that I was able to experience the pain that made me a better person." — ladyhemingway
"I would tell others that when it is over it is over. Get over the other person and move on with your life as fast as you can. That way you can move forward and have a chance for a new life. To meet a new person that will be the one for you. Moving forward is always the best thing to do in your life." — stowyk
"Lessons learned is that life will go on and so we have to move forward and focus on what we need to in our current life situation." — Dominique25
"One thing I learn about relationship is about give and take, even with breaking up. When things are not going our way, we just need to be able to take the reality and face the truth of things." — artemeis
"The most important lesson I learned was: love first yourself before anyone else." — esor50
"The most important lesson I learned from the breakup was the reality that not all relationships are fairy tales no matter if you have been married for many years. However, I have moved on but it took me years to accept that the marriage was really finally over. I have found another love and I hope this time it is for keeps." — yahnee
"Most important lesson? Huhh, never trust on girls…" — xh0z0rs
"After those painful months, I just learned that sometimes we have to learn how to accept things because there are things not really meant for us. I condition myself to think that I deserve someone better. I am not successful in forgetting him but I have been successful in forgetting the feelings that I had for him before." — annierose
"That nothing is guaranteed to forever." — butterscotch
"The most important thing I learned, true love takes time and is based on a true connection. It is not fleeting like desire." — sarahruthbeth22
"There are so many things I learned from this event of my life — one is to have our relationship work we need to have a constant communication. Equally, important is honesty. Also, I realized the true value of praying and having a friend." — mikyung
We do all want to have a happy and "healthy" relationship. We don't want to pressure ourselves trying to make it perfect as there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. To have a happy heart, makes us smile for no reason. Indeed, it is always a clear day and our surroundings seems wonderful.

If things are not going our way, we have to make sure that we our strong enough to face the truth. We have all the resources available to save it. There's no problem that can't be solved by a communication. A communication must be a healthy one not that will end up on fighting each other.

We all have our own weaknesses therefore, one cannot avoid make mistakes. However, making mistakes does not give us a permission to do it over and over again. Understanding and accepting each other’s weaknesses will carry us through emotional maturity, which will prove on how we deserve one another for each other's love.

Support one another. Respect each other. This will give us a sort of security which we can be used for us to grow. You being you and me being me will stay the same and will bring out the best in ourselves.

One of the hardest to do in a certain relationship is to do the simple things that bring us happiness. Yes, the simple one. With the modern world today, we tend to forget the simplest and the most basic things that a relationship needs. Luxurious things cannot guarantee happiness.

And of course, the most important of all, love one another. That truly speaks for itself.

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